Connor and Greg became friends on the first day of college. From that moment on, if you saw Connor or Greg, the other one would be nearby. They took every class together. They partied together. But all that ended badly. Connor was an ROTC student and was preparing for his physical before he was commissioned into the Army. That night, Greg had some friends to their apartment while Connor was going through some last minute physical training. When Connor returned, the apartment was a fog of smoke from pot. Connor was upset, and he and Greg had a major blow up. Connor left the apartment out of fear that he would test positive for pot use. Connor and Greg never spoke another word in college, even at graduation.
In the years that followed, Connor and Greg continued their distance. But each of them would ask about the other one when they talked to their advisor. Ten years after graduation, Connor needed help as he left the Army. A meeting was arranged with his advisor. As he walked into his advisor’s office, there was Greg. As they exchanged awkward handshakes, their advisor took a call and excused himself to deal with an “emergency.”
The advisor returned after an hour of dealing with his “emergency.” Connor and Greg were oblivious that he had ever returned. Their dispute from the end of college was long forgotten.
Many of us have had a falling out with special friends or members of our family. Often, the disputes were based upon legitimate issues. But the disputes became destructive to relationships. As we age, we especially value our connections to those who are special to us. When those connections get lost over disputes, we miss a lot of what is important in our lives.
We won’t always agree with those we are close to, but we can’t let our disagreements create rifts that may take years to mend (if ever). As we reflect back on our lives, one of our biggest regrets is how we never learned to compartmentalize our relationships. We need to learn how to accept conflicts with others as a fact of life and agree to disagree. Over time, these disagreements will lessen in importance while our relationships will become even more important.
There is a saying that time heals all wounds, but you can’t recover the time you lose with those who were once special to you. Those who grew up with the Beatles will forever regret that they were unable to patch up their differences and give us more of their music. While most of us will never create the music of the Beatles, what we created with others was just as special.
* * *
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Yeah, there will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
(Stanza 4 of Let it Be by the Beatles)