What is something we give and receive? Need a hint? It’s also something that is often discarded. Give up? Let’s explore the subject of advice. We give lots of advice, and we also receive a fair amount of advice intended to be guidance. Can you think of advice you have received that remains in your memory? What makes the advice different from other advice you have long forgotten or rejected? Neuroscience has given us some answers to this important human activity.
For advice to be remembered, it must make it through a number of gates in our brains. So, what helps make the advice more likely to pass through these gates? Here is what we are learning.
Advice is retained more often when it involves self-discovery rather than being told. But aren’t we asking to be told? That’s a common misconception when giving advice. Those asking us for advice are really wanting us to share what they have done in a similar situation. And that involves story telling. When you use your own story, you are keeping the advice seeker from activating the part of their brains that start thinking of counter arguments. Instead, they begin to see how your own experience might translate to their’s.
For a story to be effective it needs to be somewhat ambiguous. That lets the advice seeker become an active listener they need to discover for themselves the meaning of the story. And that discovery helps them find the answer they are seeking.
Now let’s say your story was effective in the self-discovery process, and the advice from the process led to action. What then makes this advice something that is forever remembered?
It begins with self-reflection on how well the action worked. People who are known for their wisdom gain that respect because they are good at self-reflection of both successes and failures. And that generally requires putting words on paper. Just thinking about the situation isn’t that useful. There’s magic when words are placed on paper.
Advice retention also requires continual thought. You will likely have an opportunity to use what you discovered in future situations. This can help refine your self-discovery by capturing lessons learned, again on paper.
It also helps when you share your own self-discovery with others who might come to you for advice. Those who are known for their wisdom have a repertoire of stories they can use to guide those who ask them for advice.
Let’s stop here. One of the self-discoveries I made early in my own life came from a story whose moral was that there are no souls saved after 15 minutes of a sermon.