The three Rs of what it meant to be an educated person (Reading, wRiting, aRithmatic) had its origin in the early 19th Century. Much has changed in education since then, but the three Rs remain a focus of our public education system.
What we need now is a new set of three Rs for adulthood. Those three Rs would be Reflection, Resilience, and Rejection. Unlike the three Rs of public education, the three Rs of adulthood are not taught in a classroom but are gained through personal experience as we live our lives.
Reflection is our ability to understand the world and our interaction with it. It’s taking the time to think about an experience. It requires honesty and acceptance of what we do well and where we can improve. Reflection is critical for our well being because it requires us to put into perspective both the joys and the challenges of living. Reflection leads to our finding meaning and purpose in life even in moments of self-doubt.
Reflection alone isn’t that helpful unless we also own resilience. Living is filled with troubling moments. If we have learned to reflect on these moments and put them into perspective, resilience then becomes necessary to take the actions necessary to move forward. Resilience requires hope, determination, vigilance, and faith in ourselves. Combined with reflection, resilience makes us stronger as persons.
The final R is rejection, and probably not what you think. And it builds on the first two Rs. Rejection is saying no to the temptations of life. Those temptations may be things we buy, things that give us short-term pleasure, work addictions, or giving into our basest instincts. Learning to say no comes from reflection and resilience. It is the R that has a preventive focus. When we learn from our reflection and resilience experiences in order to avoid those things that are not important in our lives.
How do we learn these three Rs? They are acquired through self-awareness, self-confidence, self-acceptance, and a desire for a purposeful life. Our learning journey for these 3Rs may be kick-started by a caring person, a fateful event, or by our disappointment in ourselves. Once started, the 3R journey must be one that is self-sustaining. Nagging from others won’t help, nor will praise. You have to be your own teacher and motivator. And what about the fourth R: Reward? If you are looking for some tangible reward, you haven’t learned the other three Rs. The only rewards from learning the three Rs are things you can’t measure: purpose, meaning, and joy in living a good life.
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“Some things cannot be taught; they must be experienced. You never learn the most valuable lessons in life until you go through your own journey.”-Roy T. Bennet (The Light in the Heart)